Friends of chuck (join our cult)
THIS MAN IS A REAL HERO
posted by adrian at 10:01 AM
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
About Me
- Name: adrian
- Location: dublin, Ireland
wasting away in college. studying hospitality management. wish i could leave this hell hole and do something interesting with my life like travel or start a cult or at least start a fire or something.
Previous Posts
- nothing to report
- worth checking out
- Name That Keeper!
- happy birthday justine
- thought i'd post some pics of my trip to germany
- Gianluca Pagliuca
- the wonder that is Paula.
- welcome all, especially you !
2 Comments:
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
>
> Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
> decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter
he
> grew a beard.
>
> Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
> unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
> finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his
soul
> back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and
admitted he
> should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second
Wednesday of
> the month.
>
> Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
>
> Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
JFK
> assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his
beard,
> deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
>
> Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck
could
> chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU
> RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat.
Holding
> his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck
with
> Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this
> statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile
radius of
> the blast went deaf.
>
> Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot
broke
> the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart
while she
> was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
>
> To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris
smoked
> 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different
kinds
> of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes.
Beat
> that, Lance Armstrong.
>
> Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only
thing
> that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
>
> Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply
beat
> the living shit out of everything that was thrown at him, and the
game
> forfeited.
>
> The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
>
> Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
> trademarked names for his left and right legs.
>
> Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck
> Norris
>
> Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift
of
> "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen,
> jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined
influence
> to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of
> roundhouse kick related deaths.
>
> If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
> Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
>
> When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and
includes
> only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris
has
> not had to pay taxes ever.
>
> Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
>
> Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
saying
> "booya".
>
> Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the
first
> 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
>
> Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets
the
> information he wants.
>
> When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from
cholera
> or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also
requires no
> wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his
back. He
> always makes it to Oregon before you.
>
> There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
>
> After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb
on
> Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His
> reasoning? It was more "humane".
>
> Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so
he
> can "accidentally" beat the shit out of little kids.
>
> Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
>
> Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
> stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
> Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had
> gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its
neck, to
> remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he
taketh
> away.
>
>
> Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by
yelling,
> "Bang!
>
> When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay,
but
> because he has run out of women.
>
> The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
> Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise,"
and
> starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from
> drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far
too
> much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
>
> One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that
> Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact
tea-bagged to
> death by Chuck Norris.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Contrary to popular belief, on the third day Christ rose because he lost a bet to Chuck Norris.
NASA's origional saying at a space launch was, "3, 2, 1, CHUCK NORRIS!"
It is scientifically impossible for Chuck Norris to have a mortal father. The most popular theory is that he went back in time and fathered himself.
Chuck Norris was going to die for your sins, but due to complications on the set of Delta Force 2, he forced Jesus to be crucified in his place.
Chuck Norris likes to tell people they have AIDS.
Chuck Norris can never die because God knows that Chuck Norris could kick his ass.
Chuck Norris once leaned against a tower in Pisa, Italy.
Chuck Norris's motto is, "Be prepared. And no, I didn't steal those little bitches motto." In accordance with his motto, Norris always carries a Kryptonite cross because, "You never know when you'll have to ward off Dracula and Superman at once."
Chuck Norris drinks 1% milk. He does so because he thinks he is fat, but in reality he could drink whole milk if he wanted to.
Chuck Norris cried wolf, only to beat up the villagers who showed up.
Chuck Norris's religion, Chuck Norrisian, is the most widely practices religion in the Vatican City.
Under Armour is made from Chuck Norris' dead skin cells.
Chuck Norris cultivates a small population of third world orphans with red hair so he can harvest them at a moments notice for his beard.
One day Chuck Norris was infact killed when he round house kicked someone in the face so hard that it shattered the universe. But in heaven, Chuck challenged God to an arm wrestling match. Chuck won, and the universe was reformed.
Chuck Norris favorite food is the moon.
When Chuck Norris masturbates he only thinks about one person, Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' penis has its own penis.
The first human was not Adam, it was Chuck Norris. The only reason God created Eve was because Chuck Norris needed someone to roundhouse kick and make babies with.
Whever Chuck Norris has an orgasm, a building explodes.
Jesus turned water into wine. Chuck Norris turned wine into a bad temper and an aggravated assault.
Chuck Norris went as Chuck Norris for Halloween. He got twice as much candy as anybody.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
Jesus's Birthday isn't December 25 but Chuck Norris once sent him a birthday card for that day, Jesus was too scared to tell Chuck the truth. Thats why we celebrate Christmas
One time in an airport a guy accidently called Chuck Norris "Chick Norris". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. Chuck accepted his apology and politley signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a bearded baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.
Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger, it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris round house kicked in the face that day.
Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
Post a Comment
<< Home